STILL-LIFE WITH INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS

​Swollen clouds rest on mountain peaks,
roofs, trees, daring us all to risk a walk
 
outside without getting drenched. Years ago,
I used to dream of floating up to the rainclouds,
 
close enough to reach a god
who would offer answers, offer a nimbus for me
 
to rest my head. This was the winter
before I started avoiding walking across bridges
 
for fear I’d throw myself off. Some days
when I sit on the roof, I still feel the urge
 
to jump. And some days I want something
I can’t have: happiness, maybe. The world says No.
 
Sometimes I want something I don’t deserve.
The world says Stop. And life goes on.